Aspie frustration

[deh_tommy]

I don’t think I’ll ever truly, properly understand people. Everyone always says stuff they don’t mean and mean stuff they don’t say. Generalisation and stereotyping and blind hate is bad except when it aligns with their own preconceptions and ideas. I’m taught to pick up litter and report anything unsavoury or problematic or upsetting to the proper authorities but then in practice I’m told no because sure it’ll all sort itself out in the end or just shut up. If I’m sick with or at risk of spreading COVID I should avoid close contact and wear a mask, except don’t because that’s just rude and masks just make people scared. I’m always told I should think for myself and make more assertive decisions, but then on the odd times I do muster up the arrogance or the confidence or whatever I’m told to shut up and just roll with it. It’s like social cues and proper etiquette is super obvious to everyone except me.

And I know I’m the problem and it really, really, really frustrates me sometimes. I’m like a robot, I don’t know how to do anything without being told what to do first, and I think maybe I’m too stubborn and too stupid to change but then when I say things like that I feel like I’m just not trying hard enough or I’m too scared to actually put any effort into being better.